again with the funniness

TT: ew husband.... so take that husband face!

Two seconds ago...

Me: I wish I was engaged.
TT: It's okay. You were snogging asparagus man. It's pretty much the same thing... really making out is the same thing as getting engaged.
Me: How do you figure?
TT: Hmmm... I don't know... the reason will follow, trust you me... one day... probably after consuming alcohol.

Memory

(at JS's party)

BG: Saying that women have to shave their legs is like saying that they have to go buy asparagus on Tuesdays.

(not an exact quote)

Memory

(TT and I have been sitting in Tim Horton's for about an hour and a half. All of a sudden:)

Me: Oh #$%!, @#$@!! Ah! $#@&

TT: (alarmed) What?!

Me: (seeing someone approaching) It's Gabe. We're going!

TT: Okay...

(We begin putting on our coats. Gabe enters)

Gabe: M! Hey, how's it going?

Me: (flustered) Good.

Gabe: What are you girls up to tonight?

Me: (panicking) Um, going home. Yep, that's what we're doing, we're going home now. Lots of homework...

TT: (calmly, taking charge) Nice to meet you, I'm T.

Gabe: Hey.

TT: (pulling me out) See you later.

Gabe: Bye.

Me: Bye.

(we get out of Tim Horton's and BURST into laughter)

TT: When you started panicking I thought that someone was coming in with a gun or something...

(After thanking TT for saving my bum a thousand times we had some other adventure. There seem to be too many to remember.)

"Have I mentioned today how lucky I am to be in love with you?"

I LOVE Jason Robert Brown. I wonder if he'll marry me.

Well, I'm an ARTS student...

In my notes:

"materialism: the attempt to satisfy needs by buying products or experiences.
-defining characteristics of modern society...

-lots of math stuff. blablabla.

Next Chapter!"

Memory

TT and I are "ushers" at the academic award ceremony.

Mrs H: ...and I just so happen to be an expert on the Double Cohort, I've spoken to CBC, bla bla bla bla bla.

Me: (whispering) Do you want to go?

TT: Yeah, let's leave.

(TT and I go to Subway, eat cookies, come back, listen to veggie tales and make up a secret handshake in the parking lot. We re-enter as it ends, eat cookies and challenge JS and CM to a secret handshake contest.)

Mrs SW: Oh, M! You weren't here to get your award!

Whoops...

Tonight...

I had an excellent day today. I realized that part of what I was missing was the busy-ness that comes from outside of school work. So I went to a Playback Theatre presentation AND a play AND out for dinner. It was good not to be worrying about work, or staying home by myself and wishing I was somewhere else.

Tonight:

Me: ... And my left boob REALLY hurts, and it has been for three days.

S: From what?

Me: Oh, I don't know. Sometimes it's a really sharp pain, but sometimes it's dull. It's weird, kind of like when you tape them.

S: You've taped your boobs?

Me: Hasn't everyone?

M: (sinking into his seat) I'm still here, eh?

Don't play with strangers...

"I have never kissed a goat."

Three guys drank.

These people are all in their twenties... and I am inexperienced little me. I feel like the baby here so much of the time. No one treats me different, but they've all lived lives after high school.

"Well, everyone's had sex in a church pew."

Oh.

Me-Day

I had a professor tell me to stop working so hard. I realized that it's true, it seems that all I do is go to class, come home to do homework and do housework. That's not the way I want life to be. I'm in one of the most cultured cities in North America, and I need to take advantage of that. Even if I don't have really close friends to go with.

So today I slept in after an evening of Bridget Jones and wine with a friend. I got up, showered and dressed, grabbed my wallet and my camera and walked to the metro. I got out reasonably randomly, and took a nice walk up the mountain (I got to see FALL. I miss small city trees and colours!). I walked a long time. It was nice. I walked all the way downtown.

I'm going to try to catch a play this evening. Bring my life back to the place where it was... having meaning and purpose, or at least more than now. I need to aim at something again. Things will right themselves again. Hurray!

Reassured

It's very wonderful to know that no one in this world knows exactly where they want to be, or how they want to get there.

A letter:

To the makers of Rolo Ice Cream:

First I'd like to thank you for creating such a wonderful, delectable treat. I do enjoy your product very much, and while six effing dollars seems quite a price to pay, as a treat it's occasionally worth it.

Now I'd like to accuse you of something. There must be an addictive drug crushed up into this ice cream. I have become an ice cream junkie. I just went three days without chocolate Rolo! And while you did reward me with a taste of what I desired, I have spent the last two days waiting to get more. To dig and to eat until I find another measly rolo. Please remove this drug and allow me to move on with my life. To have a small bowl of ice cream, and not consider eating the entire container in one sitting and heading to the depanneur to buy some more.

Thank you.
Me.

Memory:

(we are all getting ready to go camping at TT's house. AR, TT and I are in the kitchen when TN shows up at the door)

All of us: (in our heads) Ahhhhh!

TN: Hi, is Alex here?

TT: Um... yeah... Alex!

(Alex goes out the door with TN)

Me: Bye Alex! Have a good day and try your best!

TT: Respect people!

AR: Don't drink and drive!

Me: Be responsible!

TT: Eat healthy!

Me: Wear your seatbelt!

AR: Don't get an STD!

Another memory:

Sitting in TT's living room dressed in towels after a battery died in the rain. Only my friends.

"Life is hard, hunny bunny..."

If I were to die tomorrow, I'd want people to know:

-Friends are the most important thing. None of this love shit. My friends are the most important thing in the world to me, be they here or back at home. Even when they make me mad, even when they embarass me at the bus stop...
-It is important to know how to be alone. When I moved, life seemed awful, because I couldn't stand to be in my own company for an extended period of time. Now I like it more and more. Sometimes I get lonely, so I fix it. We can only rely on ourselves, so be able to be alone.
-Chocolate really does make me feel better. Fatter. But better.
-Treat others the way you'd like to be treated.
-Sending letters, or even email, is the nicest thing in the world. I have a little 'there's something in the mailbox' dance, and if you send me a letter, I'll show it to you.
-Sister Act is good for you.

Today was an interesting day. I had a meeting with my TDEV prof... I know I'm in the right place. I had an emotional rollercoaster ride during TDEV class as we were doing theatre therapy. The last time I cried in class was during LITS... what a day.

A summary of last night:

"I always call you drunk when I'm darling"- Me to my roommate.

The funniest thing I've heard an adult male say:

"I don't think the number means anything without the... cup size..." -my soc. prof.

Why is it that I can do a half-assed job on everything and consistently be told my work is 'strong'? And then when I do a really good job, the work gets the same marks/reactions. Why do people tell me I come across as confident? I don't feel confident.

Why is it that someone I barely know thinks I used to be happier? Are they right?

Holy Random Batman!

Memory

(M is slightly inebriated, sitting on her kitchen floor crying)
(ES and TT are giving her thoughtful girl advice while ACB looks on uncomfortably)

TT- Sorry, but I have to tell you Meghan, your hair looks really, really good right now.

You guys! I love you SOOOO much!

Another one:

(M and TT are waiting for JS who is making them do his shopping for him)

TT- When he comes back out of the changeroom, let's be looking at bras and underwear.

M- Okay!

Yet another

KW- Oh my God I'm going to fail this french test!

TT- Let's make study notes.

MD- Okay, write French Test.

TT- Got it.

MD- Now write something about boys being stupid.

TT- Okay.

(Time passes)

MD- Alright, let's all joins hands and have a prayer for the french test!

(Everyone proceeds to do so)

Memory

Having ridiculously indulgent gossip rants with TT, while washing our feet in the bathtub.

Why I love Jann Arden:

She rhymes glasses with assholes.

Or drive your car all night in just starlight to Canada...


"The bear is running away because we killed it!"
-JS, Uh Oh a Bear!

"Are my pants too stupid?"
-first thing GD says when he arrives at Thanksgiving.

I love my friends.

ARGH!

"I didn't say I'd do the dishes Tuesday morning! I said Thursday morning!"

Well, that's okay I guess, they've only been piling up in the sink, the counter and the table for TWELVE DAYS.

"Oh, I wish you had woken me up for that message. It's kind of important."

Last time I woke you up, you got mad and I had to tell your MOTHER you'd call her back.

I don't feel comfortable in my own home. I don't like his decor. I just want it to all go away. I think I'd be much better at living by myself. I wish I was.

Memory:

Me: Do you like rap?

M: Yeah.

Team Tam: *silence* (long pause)

Me: (finally) Oh.

We shouldn't have allowed ourselves to be charmed...

These two CDs are in constant repeat in my CD player right now. Something is speaking to me. Unless I'm just longing for something to speak to me. I had a good Friday, a crummy crummy Saturday, an okay Sunday. I need hugs. Real true I-love-you-you're-a-good-friend hugs. But I'm kind of mad at my friends (I'm not complaining, I'll get over it soon), and my new friends can't give that kind of hug yet. We shall see.

Piece of it all
Jann Arden


right now somebody loves you
right now somebody dreams about you
right now somebody needs you
right now somebody’s proud of you
proud of you

right now somebody’s calling your name
right now somebody’s hoping your well
right now somebody’s feeling your shame
right now somebody cares if you live

right now somebody hears you
right now somebody knows who you are
right now someone is praying for you
right now someone believes in your heart

right now somebody wants to be your friend
right now somebody’s thinking about you
right now someone is wondering where you are
right now you are a piece of it all
a piece of it all
a piece of it all
you are a piece of it all

Shoot the Moon
Norah Jones

The summer days are gone too soon
You shoot the moon
And miss completely
And now you're left to face the gloom
The empty room that once smelled sweetly
Of all the flowers you plucked if only
You knew the reason
Why you had to each be lonely
Was it just the season?

Now the fall is here again
You can't begin to give in
It's all over

When the snows come rolling through
You're rolling too with some new lover
Will you think of times you've told me
That you knew the reason
Why we had to each be lonely
It was just the season

Okay. I'm having a really really really crummy day so far. It's hard to be mad at people who are four hours away and who don't really care. So here's a list of good things for me:

-I will finish this project on time.
-I had a really good Friday night. Take that Underwear!
-M has said he will do the dishes.
-I have been listening to Norah Jones all day, and I'm in the groove.
-I now have clean clothes to wear!

Wow... my day is bad enough that that is all I can come up with. So here's what would make my day better:

-Ewan McGregor calls and sings me a feel happy song
-I find out that me feeling like crap is a sacrifice I'm unconsciously making for peace on earth (score!)
-I apologize to TT and she listens to me
-I had someone here to dance with.
-Someone from Belleville would call me and say "M, it's okay to be mad. We still love you. We're very sorry." I need a friend.
-I find out the meaning of life! Whoo!
-All of a sudden I can actually sing. Take that underwear!

I'm having a bad, bad day.

ARGH!

I need a friend. Right now. What a sucky day.

The more I thought about it, the worse it got. The idea of my parents a couple of provinces away while AR had a party in their house without permission made me sad. Now I'll be the first to say how carried away our friends get with inviting "one more person". I know my parents wouldn't be mad. But I think that having a bunch of people overnight without asking or telling them is disrespectful. It's not AR's fault! I love her to pieces! I just felt uncomfortable that she would let that happen. And uncomfortable that not a single person thought about it. My parents have been nothing but good to my friends, just last weekend they made them an effing turkey. No one thought to change the location of the party.

Now, I would never have an "illegal party". Honestly. My parents rarely left me alone overnight. Of course they let me have people over. They both like people over. If AR had asked, or said that there would be more people, they would have said "sure" or "until 1" or something like that. But it's not fair to them or their home to have people overnight without their approval. I'm a little disappointed in my friends. It's no one's fault... but I felt uncomfortable telling them that I thought they were being disrespectful. That they crossed the line of hospitality. I hate that I can't be there to be the one that gets in trouble. Not that AR will. It's just... I don't know. I felt bad not calling and giving my two cents, and I felt bad calling. I just feel bad.

A bunch of the people I love are at my house. Having a fun time. And I am here. This is a weird, unhappy feeling. I don't like it at all. I called and talked to people for about two hours. But no one really wanted to talk to me. They just passed me on... I hate this feeling I have at the pit of my stomach right now, as I do homework. And they have a good time. At my fucking house. And I don't like that my parents don't know. I think that kind of crosses a line.

I'm not mad. I'm just jealous. I have really good days here, and really awful days here. And to know that they are all at MY house. Really really sucks. Although I guess it isn't my house anymore, is it? Eff this. God, it's awful.

Avoid strangers by introducing yourself

Cosmpolitans are gooooood. Boys are silly. Homework is for losers. I am silly. I am tired.

Turkey was cooked, thanks was given, and a good time was had by all...

Thanksgiving report: I AM the turkey Queen! Not only did it turn out fine, but we had over thirty people crammed into my little house and a hell of a good time. At least... I did. This weekend was so much fun, but again a reminder of all the people and things I miss so much being off at university. I honestly don't know what I'd do without people like you in my life. A million gazillion thanks.

Highlights for me:
-JM's grace. What a wonderful sweetheart.
-wearing an apron
-being able to boss people around and not get in trouble because I was so frazzled ("you! stir the gravy!")
-pushing AR around in the wheelbarrow. Having a broken bone is probably a dangerous thing around my friends.
-dancing in the driveway
-having WONDERFUL friends who cleaned all the dishes up and put away the tables
-having... interesting (?) friends, who ate the tablecloth
-dancing on the fireplace
-just chilling and chatting
-Uh Oh, A Bear!
-lots and lots and lots of hugs. Real ones from real friends.
-realizing just how great my friends are. Again.

Now I'm back at school. In my apartment. Mad at my roommate who still hasn't done the dishes. Who had people over really late on the one night I have to go to bed early. Mad at my upstairs neighbours who seem to have obtained a troupe of tap-dancing, furniture moving elephants over the weekend. Mad at the downstairs neighbours who must be deaf, as I can hear the dialogue from their TV. Mad at myself for being the most easily distracted human being on the face of the planet (Look! A calculator! I'd better start figuring out the math that goes with my phone number!). Mad at my roommate for not fixing the internet. Mad at my alarm clock for not making me get up. Mad at my lazy professor. Mad at my roommate for being a s'eau d'ecume. Kind of in a mad mood. Can you tell?

TT had a bad day as well. We talked on the phone. (Which we can't do very often, as it is tres chere. My last phone bill was ridiculous. Mad at my roommate for not owning up to his phone calls). I miss her. I miss everyone. Why can't I move on properly? Oh--- the elephants upstairs just had babies... Why can't I just kick back and accept that I won't instantly have friends like my high school friends. That I have to take the time to get to know them. I keep meeting horribly shallow individuals. People who aren't worth my time. And I'm not worth theirs. Where are the loving creative people who will appreciate the few things I have to offer?

My life feels like it has lost a bit of its direction. I have been waiting and waiting for University since grade eight. Now it's here and is flying by. I don't know what I want from it. I've been waiting for my life to start and have missed out a certain amount on the life that was going on around me. Oh-- the baby elephants are learning how to walk... and I think play kazoos... I am losing a little of the sense of self I had developed after Lion in the Streets and a summer of fabulous connections.

And I blather on, again. I'll do anything to avoid my assignments. I am very lucky to have so many people at home who are unforgettable. I love you.

ONE DAY!

It's really weird to have to pack a bag to go home. I guess that I am home now, and that I'm going to my parent's (and AR's!) house. Thanksgiving is going to be incredible. I am a happy camper.

I also have the apartment to myself tonight, which is super nice. I danced around to Enrique in my underoos and tap shoes... it must have been a sight. But it was effing fun. I missed going to a latin club tonight. I'm such a dork.

CAN'T WAIT

I have never been so excited for Thanksgiving. Nor so thankful for all I've been blessed with. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I know just how much my high school friends mean to me. It's hard to concentrate on school work as I think how many chairs will we need, what if there isn't enough turkey, what if people don't bring their dish... I can't wait for the hugging. I need lots of hugs, I need to stock up.

I am SO thankful.

One of those days
I think today is the worst day I've spent away. I am lonely and angry and frustrated and tired.
I want to get into a time machine and go back to last year. I want to not have responsibility and be surrounded by people who I love and who love me. I want someone to talk to.

Sometimes having a roommate sucks...

You know what I don't like? Waking up at 2:30 in the morning, hearing your roommate and about three other people coming into the apartment. It's happened before, and it wasn't a big deal. What was bad this time? Having them go look at the bathroom, make fun of the decor, and proceed to talk about his roommate. Right outside my effing door. Really loudly.

M and I had a good last two days. We cleaned the whole apartment, and yesterday he saved my butt with his charmingness during a visit from my grandparents. We chat all the time.

I don't like having people talk about me in my own place. That's one of the places I should be free from that. I don't like waking up in the morning, and strangers are sleeping in my living room. I don't like that I can't trust my roommate. I don't like being woken up in the middle of the effing night. ARGH. I don't like that it bugs me so much.

Losing the "self-talk"

Okay, so I had to read this really cheesy article about meeting people and getting to know them. And it made me cry.

"Self-talk" is what we do when we are "listening". Really, we are formulating a response/idea/comment that sounds good, and looking for an entry line. We judge what people are saying by how they are dressed, the words they are using, their status in comparison to ours. Get rid of the self-talk. It isn't difficult. I did it almost right away. All of a sudden, when you are REALLY listening, people are not only much more interesting, but you are a better person who immediately begins to grow. Relationships (ANY relationships) require work. Part of that is listening and learning. This is how people can stay friends forever, as every day they learn something new about each other. They see each other grow. Same for partners.

Simple, no? Genuine interest. Read Joseph Schaeffer. Wow.

L'action de grace

Peter Griffin: Listen Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think thats adorable, but this is grown-up time and I'm the man.

Even I think that's funny. Although I hate hate hate when people think feminism is "cute". Anyway...

Thanksgiving is coming up. And I am very thankful. I can't wait to see my high school friends again, all together. I can't wait to go home for more than just a day (the drive is TOO long!). I can't wait to eat turkey, lounge and not worry about the ridiculous amount of school work I have.