a little musing, a little philosophizing, a little ranting, a whole lot of nothing, really.

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

I'm going away and I'm terrified again! Today KW, CH and I picked up our yearbooks. Same stupid crap as it always is, don't know why I waste so much money, but I love to have signatures, records of friendships and acquaintances. I was signing KW's and thinking about all the crazy fun stuff I've done with her, with everyone, and I almost started to cry. It's not even August, and the thought of leaving can get me to tears now. Imagine how I'll be when I actually go. My goodness! I miss everyone, and I still see them nearly everyday.

Sunday, July 27, 2003

It's still bothering me!!!! I did something that if someone else did I would lose respect for them. So I don't have a lot of respect for myself right now. I feel stupid and malleable. I feel embarassed.

Saturday, July 26, 2003

James' Party

I am never drinking again. Yuck.

Monday, July 21, 2003

Whew

I went to a party tonight with mostly strangers (or people I had met once) at JP's house. Usually I hate being in that situation, and would cling to someone I did know. Not so much in this case. I had some great conversations, met some wonderful new people, and had a thoroughly great time. I hope to see some of them again. I hope that I meet cool new people at school. I hope Maxime is cool.

I'm glad I went, and I thought I would be shy and intimidated. I should step out on limbs more often. Opportunity never sticks around for very long.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

Some going-ons in my head

I miss you.
Pop-up ads are the devil.
I hate not being invited.
I hate that I have to keep my mouth shut around certain individuals.
I like pitas. A lot.
I have a crush for the first time in a year. No I won't tell you who it is. No, it's not who you think.
I hate money.
I LOVE my apartment.
I NEED you to visit me. Please.
I hate complicated relationships.
Honesty is the best policy.
"Dump the bitch"... :)
I am happy.
I like my friends.
I forgive you. Finally.
I hate hearing people bash others behind their backs. Yes, I know I've done it, but I don't do it anymore, unless I'm really mad, and I will admit I don't mean it.
I like where I work.
I hate to actually go to work.
I hate working out.
I hate my reflection.
I love the upcoming independance.
I am scared.
I am tired.
I don't like to sleep. I don't want to miss anything.
I'm addicted to Harry Potter.
I need hugs.
I have two peoples shirts. I'm sorry!
I am lonely, but not unhappy.
I like the beach.
I like IKEA.
I have fun. A lot. Thank you to everyone who provides that fun.
My head has hurt for two days straight. Is that bad?
I like to swim.
I hate to wear a bathing suit.

I guess that's enough. I want a nap, but I also want to read Harry Potter and listen to Sigur Ros and Bela Fleck and eat chocolate cookies. Take a wild guess which one I end up doing...

Friday, July 18, 2003

A note to some worried friends:

I've been reading a lot of blogs/open diaries that are talking about people talking behind your backs. I don't know what's going on, I'm out of the loop.
But I thought that a lot was going on behind my back recently. When I thought about it, though, all that stuff behind my back that was bothering the hell out of me could only be traced to one or two people. Only one or two people were saying hurtful things. Sure they might be saying it to other people, but that doesn't mean other people believe it. That doesn't mean they think so too. That means they have heard it.

So, maybe a couple of people have said hurtful things. That's okay. Those people might lose some respect from you, but it's not everyone. I know that I felt like I couldn't trust anyone, but that's not true. And when I let myself accept that, I felt a lot better.

THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING!!!

I spent the last two days cleaning my apartment, getting furniture, walking around my new neighbourhood. Finally it struck me: I am going away! I am going to University! I am going to live WITH A BOY!!!! Ahh! I am going to clean my own house, do my own laundry, put out the garbage, be responsible. Holy shit. HOLY SHIT. It's really scary and exciting at the same time. I want to get away, I think. But wow. I don't know how to cope by myself. I will lose my house keys, I will eat oreos for meals, I will break the stove...

But this is real! It's one of those things that you think of as when you grow up. You never actually imagine it happening. And it is. I have a new phone number and address. I have a front door key, a door key, a storage key, a mailbox key... how often do I lose my ONE car key??? AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

But it's thrilling. Really exciting.

Saturday, July 12, 2003

The loser

So everyone is at the festival, and I'm at home, like a loser, because I'm allergic. Everyone says I should risk it, but if my Angry Eye does come back, it just hurts too much. I'm SO jealous. But it is giving me time to think to myself, which I've been lacking as of late. I'm having a great summer. Good.

Friday, July 11, 2003

Damnit!

Okay, so I'm leaving the gym, and it's boiling. Not even thinking about it, I take off my tshirt, underneath is a tank style sports bra. Apparently this was a bad idea, as two guys walking by follow me to my fucking car. Now, I'll be the first one to tell you I'm not attractive, I'm not thin. But bring out the cleavage and along come the creepos. That is street harassment, and it is wrong.

I'm lucky to have guy friends who wouldn't do something like that. But for a second, I was actually scared. I tore out of that parking lot. I couldn't believe it.

On a higher note...

So, now that that's out of my system, I have lovely news. I have a roommate for university, a lovely, tall ballet dancer named Maxim (sp?). That's pretty exciting. I'm going to start moving my stuff down there next Thursday. I'm excited and terrified at the same time.

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

The "Friday Five":

1. How are you planning to spend the summer?
A lot of work and a lot of play. Trying not to get bored, working on and off.


2. What was your first summer job?
Paid? The Harbour Club. "Sophisticated" Bellevillians who need their Aquafit. Unpaid I worked at two summer camps and had much more fun.

3. If you could go anywhere this summer, where would you go?
I would LOVE to go back to Paris, but Turkey has interested me a lot recently.


4. What was your worst vacation ever?
They've all been good. The school trip to Washington wasn't that good, nor Quebec (remember the hotel room from HELL?)

5. What was your best vacation ever?
Paris was fabulous, I love New York, and nothing really beats the cottage for me.

Yeah. Nothing worthwhile is coming from me this summer, I'm too lazy to change the world. Maybe in September...