It is very, very cold here.

An on-campus courtyard, originally uploaded by meghandear.

I'm back at school and missing a month of being on the verge of Indian Royalty. Of eating the best food everyday and walking through a campus that looked like this.

We meet occasionally, the people who travelled to India. We sit down and eat food and drink drinks and are just together. I think we intend to accomplish something on these occasions, intend to discuss questions that were brought up, ideas that came to be, and to begin accomplishing more. But we just talk about nothing, share photos, laugh and leave.

It is lovely.

Now what?

I've been in Canada just over a week, and I'm stuck stuck stuck.

I am finished with school, but I have to get a semester's worth of credits. So I will spend the next three months going through the motions of school, putting time and energy in a place where my passions are not. Poor me.

Last night the crew who went to India met at a bar on St-Laurent, and it was surreal. The feeling of home I had when I arrived, when we all smiled at each other, when photos came out, when we just had to say "I'm tired" and have someone else know the depth and magnitude of that tiredness. It's got something to do with jetlag, but mostly to do with the uneasy return to a life where we can't question question question every moment. Where we have stuff that has to get done.

We were so lucky to create such a magical, safe space in India, where we got to experience just THINGS that no one else will ever get to. Ever. It was an experience that was completely unique on this earth. I can't explain, words don't yet.

I've yet to process the trip, and just now find myself coming back to the Peru trip, and the thoughts and ideas that didn't get to come out or be properly thought.

I'm such a TDEV hippy.

And lucky.

My biggest complaints are grad school applications and bored with an education that is lasting one semester too long. Oh boy.

A New Year

It is 2007, and I am thrilled. Thrilled!

I've never been one to get really excited about New Years, or make big resolutions, or think things will change. That sounds a lot more depressing than I meant it to.

This year, though, I am really excited about, for some reason or another.

2006 was a big year for me, with some of the best and worst times of my life all crammed together in ridiculous pile of THINGS. At the very end of 2005 I lost a lot of weight in a very short period of time. Most of it stayed off, and 2006 was the year of hating and learning to love and hating once again my body. I battled some depression, using therapy and meds, and feel good. I found myself some great, great friends, and made better friends with many of the ones I already had. I met a man and had my second relationship. It ended badly, after five months of first amazingness and then confusion and anger. I learned a lot. I went to Peru for over a month. I went to India for a month. I worked with kids, I did a successful fundraiser, I wrote and produced my own work, I wore clothes without worrying what people thought, I smiled a lot. I interviewed a porn star. I did a presentation in my underwear. I called myself an artist for the first time. I studied human rights. I learned some Spanish. I made goals I didn't meet. I made goals I did meet. I stopped panicking about my life as much. I'm going to be just fine next year.

So, I have high faith in 2007, because in 2006 I found out a lot more about myself.

I wish anyone that reads this all the great fortunes and successes that they deserve. I wish them happiness, joy and satisfaction in this confusing, confusing life.