a little musing, a little philosophizing, a little ranting, a whole lot of nothing, really.

Sunday, February 29, 2004

Randomness from the Queen of Blunt

A letter to my mind:

Okay brain,

We've been together a long time. Almost nineteen years, plus womb time. You've come up with some good thoughts, and some pretty darn stupid thoughts. You have helped me be logical, and to become a person with very strong morals and values.

It's time for you to let me stop thinking about getting hurt. I need you to wipe out that brain space and let me have it for something else, like theatre history, or some funny little memories, or the thesaurus entry on 'groping'. I was stupid, and I let myself get hurt. I should be over it, and most of me is. But I keep thinking about it. Make it stop. Please, pretty please, super duper please.

It's also time to get over your chocolate addiction. Yes it's an addiction. It is hurting my body, and only temporarily great.

I also need help in being productive, I used to be a part of creating things, plays, writing, something. Now I spend my time in class, doing work, talking on MSN and going out. That is not productive and helps no one.

I also need to get some self-confidence back that I lost somewhere this year. Please help me realize I AM good enough.

I also need to get some rhythm. I want to be a cuban dancer damn it!

That's all for now. Keep thinking,
Meghan

Thursday, February 26, 2004

Getting this off my chest. For the last time.

*this post has been deleted due to too much bitterness that I'm not proud of. It was about someone who doesn't seem to be my friend anymore. I'm now leaving it up to them, I'll be friends with everyone, but it's their turn to try.

Monday, February 23, 2004

What is with all this email hate???

There have been mass emails going around from friends about how awful other friends are. What? No. I don't accept this. It is okay to be mad at someone. It is okay to fight, it is okay to yell, it is okay to sort things out or choose not to. It is not okay to bring in all your other friends, over the internet.

I love my friends. I have said this a zillion times. They all have faults, as do I. That's awesome, who cares? I have my own opinions of them from what I know. I don't want to be told that I need to be mad or hate someone. I don't want to be told that I do hate someone. I decide for myself. I choose not to hate, hate is a waste of my time and energy.

So, have your fights. That's good. Do not make everyone a part of it. I still like you. All of you. Even if stupid things have gone on. But the soap operas have got to stop, or at least become reasonable. The internet only gets you in trouble, I know that.

I don't have room in my email inbox for hate. I'm not asking you not to be mad at each other. I'm asking you to fix things more constructively. I love you. I hate this.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

David and Goliath

hahahahahahahahaha!

Thursday, February 19, 2004

And the stress... is gone...

Two major presentations down... two to go. But before that, I get to go chill at home for a reading (hahahaha) week. I'm looking forward to real meals, not a lot of schoolwork, AW's "surprise" bday, chilling with AR in her hour between jobs... just chilling. There will be a lot of me time, because the other stupid universities all had their reading week this week. I haven't decided if this is good or bad, we shall see.

In other news... I found my calling! Not really, but I ran a workshop (90 minutes!) in my TDEV class today, and it was super rewarding. I am "very earthy, very soothing". I don't know if any people who know me well would say that... but okay! Things are good.

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Hey Ya

Polaroid Warns Film Users Not to 'Shake It'

"I don't know why... but I think it is her birthday soon."

Today I got credits for:

-giving and getting back massages
-acting like a penguin
-telling people what they are wearing and what they look like
-making characters out of food ("garlic is going through a midlife crisis... she is very aggressive", "kiwi plays the viola. He has probably has lots of hair on his back, but no one knows")
-watching poor P have her pants pulled down past her underwear as a snake ("I meant to do that. I was shedding my skin")
-feeling each others' hands

I love theatre.

Monday, February 16, 2004

"Oh, I looooooooove romance. Aren't you just soooooooo lucky, valentines girl!"

Valentines makes me sick. How come I'm not good enough if I'm single? How come people who went out with their boyfriends for dinner or had candlelit evenings at home look at me with pity when I say I had a girls night? I ate chocolate and nachos and laughed and bitched. Why is it not cool to be single? To be independant? I have people who love me, and that's always been good enough. Until I feel stupid when my friends here look at me like I definitely didn't have as good a time as they did, and hopefully I'll "find someone soon".

Why? Because I'm not good enough on my own? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. I'm supposed to wait. For my prince charming? Ha! For someone who can tolerate my appearance and feminism and "talking too much"? For someone who wants to hold my hand? For someone who wants to talk to me? For someone who I can exchange meaningful glances with? Vomit.

Will life be better if I have that? Will I be happier? Wondering if I'm being cheated on with someone better looking or smarter, or funnier? Is it worth having someone to "love" me? In a different way than my friends, if that exists? Somehow I don't think so. I believe in myself as a human being. Sure I wish I was smarter, beautiful, funnier, whatever. But I am a person who is... okay. I'm okay. And Valentines Day, piss off and stop trying to tell me otherwise.

Wednesday, February 11, 2004

To the creepo at La Taverne

Okay, so first off, aren't you lucky that a table of four men was right next to that table of four women? They were probably 30-ish, and were well dressed and blonde. You buy one a shot. Isn't that generous? I was soooo happy to see them get up, put their coats on, and the blonde brought you back your shot. To ask her friend if she has a husband, and to tell her that if she did and he wasn't good enough, then say "I'll take care of her. I won't marry her, but I'll take care of her," is taking it a step too far. You got personal.

Then to wink suggestively at an eighteen year old girl while her FATHER was in the bathroom really made me despise you. Maybe I look older, I've been told that. But I was wearing a pink old hoodie. Maybe you should take your pinstripe suit down to goodwill and grow up. Respecting women will get you laid. Not being a creepo in a bar. Not pushing women to give you personal information and telling them you'll take care of them. Not trying to pick them up while the person they are with is in the bathroom.

I told my dad about what they said to the women. He said "it's just a stupid game". Maybe. But making people feel uncomfortable isn't part of a game. It's harassment. When they say no the first time, continuing to push won't bring you to a yes. I'm disgusted.

Monday, February 09, 2004

A new low

Instead of writing my research report... I am eating Nutella out of the jar. Ew.

Awesome, AWESOME memory

TT and I are Beyond Control groupies, ah the good old days of Uh Oh a Bear. They are playing at a 30 Hour Famine of a school we don't go to. We are high on SOMETHING ("we're high on LIFE park ranger!"). We drive in, park, and start figuring out ways to get in. Luckily, two guys are sneaking out! They put a waterbottle in the door so that it won't lock behind them. We sneak in, and they come running back to make sure we leave the door open for them. Orange shirt guy is called Sam.

So we climb these stairs and find ourselves in the QSS weightroom, which is above the gym where the stage is. Balcony seats for Beyond Control. AH comes and joins us, and we are visited by most of our other QSS friends. They realize we are there because together we focused our brain power on making them turn around and look up. We are awesome.

Beyond Control plays, and we dance. And dance, and dance, and dance. And get all sweaty and gross. And interpret new songs. And request songs. And force everyone in the room, including strangers, to dance. A teacher comes out and we make a quick exit with AJ.

Still high on dancing, we want to leave a message for Beyond Control. So we get out the sidewalk chalk and draw them behind JS's car. We love our art, and re-enact the bands reaction when they come out and find it. We put flyers for our school play on all the windows of the other cars. We take photos and dance. It is an awesome dance. And we are awesome groupies.

Friday, February 06, 2004

Like a fish needs an effing bicycle. says:
that's sad. But you know what's happy?
snore says:
what
Like a fish needs an effing bicycle. says:
pineapples. and birthdays. and good theatre. and funny jokes. and new underwear. and being told you're funny. and funny socks.


And enrique iglesias. and not shaving your legs. and the feel of newly shaven legs. and pretty clothes. and pajama pants. and having a good hair day. and laughing until your insides hurt. and trampolines. and meeting nice strangers. and looking at photos. and bela fleck. and getting mail. and knowing you did a good job. and doing something creative. and helping someone. and stickers that say dink on them. and hugs. and making someone laugh. and sidewalk chalk. and bottles of sparkling juice. and sequins. and snow angels. and snowmen. and giving someone an awesome present. and baby rabbits. and cruising with the windows down to Hanson. and having people look at you being stupid and realizing how much fun you're having. and making strangers laugh when you skip through the mall. and car flirting. and chocolate. and being forgiven. and hearing a funny laugh. and photo scavenger hunts. and no zits. and sandals. and watching a good movie with friends. and saying no to drugs. and...

Thursday, February 05, 2004

While some people are reading biochemistry textbooks and doing tests...

I just spent a class getting credits for:

-getting and giving back and face massages
-making orgasmic noises
-being tickled and having to make people laugh by saying "My boyfriend is captain of the BASKETBALL TEAM" and pulling off their socks.
-arranging chairs, tables and water tables to put one of them in power
-talking about how sex could be staged without actual sex
-balancing sticks
-having my leg humped. By people. That one was a little weird...
-playing the enemy game. I was four peoples enemy. That was kind of sad.

I also got credit for playing pretend. That was a good time.
I'm going to graduate and never have a job. But at least I enjoyed my university classes and learned a lot.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

In other news...

I sleep too much, don't do enough work, eat too much junk, don't work out enough, spend too much time on MSN or the phone.

But it's okay.

I do good research. I enjoy what I'm learning. I pay all my bills on time and get along with my landlord. I keep in touch with the people who are important to me. I am responsible and care about people. I am creative and I often have lots of fun.

TAKE THAT UNDERWEAR!

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

Wow.

If you wanted to absolutely appall me, you totally succeeded. Remember when we were friends? You weren't an asshole then. Why must you be one now? I hope you know what you are very close to losing... an entire network of good good people. Who love me and loved me first. Who (of course this is only my opinion) bring out the best of you, the most fun and the most creative.

Even though things have changed... are you giving up on our friendship? Whatever. You used to make me laugh.