"Every time I look at that ugly moon it reminds me of you..."

Have I said how much I hate University? Yes? Well I still do! Everything has to be done online... sometimes the internet screws up and destroys things, and I want to cry. AAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!

Play is going... well?? We are about a week behind, but theatre always turns out in the end, or so we tell ourselves while we try not to cry. I know most of my lines. Most, the key word...

School is still stupid and a waste of my time, my goodness.

Friends. It's okay... we get together and just talk to each other, which is a pleasant change. I enjoy them so much. It's sad that they are all sticking around while I get the hell out. I still miss a lot of people, but the relationships are all healthy. Everythings all right.

But if I'd done it...

I had my first two university auditions this past weekend. Hell. It scares me so much, because I don't know what I want to do, or where I want to do it. I don't think people realize how stressed I am. I have to keep my marks up, prep for auditions, learn the lines for my play, learn the lines for my other play, work occasionally so I don't get fired, fill out PIFs, rehearse constantly... I can't sleep well anymore. I wake up constantly. My eyes hurt, I am always tired. I am not unhappy, which is how I usually feel when I'm stressed, so that is good. I am just busy, and tired.

I see my friends almost never, except for CM and JS and anyone else in production. I miss them, but I also I am feeling more independant. Maybe I am subconsiously prepping myself for going away next year while the rest of my friends stay at high school and have fun together. I know I will like University. I know it's time to get away from high school, where I feel I am wasting my time. I will just miss everyone so much!

Quandry

So, I have two very very good friends who I love very dearly. They are kind-of dating each other. This kind-of has been accepted by everyone and themselves for a good couple of months. They "actually" dated for awhile at the beginning of the school year, but that didn't work out. People apologized, felt awful, fixed things.

He adores her. Is head over heels. So why did I see the things I saw tonight? Why is he wrecking it for himself? Why do I feel so pissed off for her? What do I do? I know it's not my business, but I have obligations as a friend to both of them. The world is so complicated.

I had a dream!

This is bad. This is very very bad, and the opposite of what I need in my life right now. A few nights ago I had a dream about someone. Someone I was very close to last year, and who went away. No, not a dirty dream all you jumping-to-the-wrong-conclusions type people. To be honest, I had nearly forgotten him. Suddenly all these thoughts came back, everything I should have said, how different things could have been. Not that they weren't lovely.

Now I miss him. A lot. And I feel a little lonely, with all my friends out there in relationship land. I wish he was here, or at least we kept in better touch.

There's nothing I can do about it. I just hope that I don't dwell. I don't have time to miss someone.

I'm supposed to be in PARIS!!!

But I'm at home working on the computer, or at work! I hate University, and I haven't even arrived. There is so much ridiculous prep work to do. I'm going crazy. AR is skiing, TT is in SPAIN, KW is visiting England, Ireland and Wales. JS, MW and AW are busy doing the March break show at the SFT.

And I'm rotting at home. At least I'm not getting into fights with my friends, I suppose...

I believe in fate!!!!

Well. What a strange week. Let's start with Friday. I hadn't had a good week, I was tired, tired of some situations going on, etc. I had been looking forward to the coffeehouse. I get home from school, and mom calls, Bat Boy is playing at Queens. Bat Boy. A musical that CM, SD2, RB, JS, AJ... well all the guys, and I loved. And that's just the few songs they'd heard off of my soundtrack. I cannot express how excited I was. I told CM at the coffee house (he had dibs on a ticket first, as he was the most ridiculously obsessed), and he was thrilled. AJ and RB came too, and we drove off to Kingston after work. We made it to the University in a ridiculous hour. We found the building with the theatre. SO EXCITED. And it was awesome. The acting was superb, the singing was fabulous, the set was perfect, the use of multimedia fit in SO well. I couldn't believe that I was seeing a musical I never thought I'd see, and it was so GOOD!

So that's fate number one. Then we get to Monday, didn't want to go to school at all. Went, of course, and during first period we got a lot done for production. Suddenly three teachers storm in all Nancy Drew style looking for a breaker. Water pipes had burst because of the cold, and we got to go home after first period. So, I ended up with 11 people at my house. Some watched BSC (baby sitter's club, there's memory lane...), some listened to Batboy. We played Have you ever, and Scruples. Then we got into s-e-x. A group of teenagers, didn't take long. Who would have thought that we'd end up talking about sex in my living room at one o'clock in the afternoon on a Monday? But we were. Right. Fate number two, I haven't figured out the reason behind Flood Day, but I'm sure there was one.

Fate number three: OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T DONE ANY UNIVERSITY PREP IN A WEEK. Snow day! Snow day!!!! Thank God, Thank Buddha! Things are looking up! University scares the crap out of me. And I'm not even there yet.

Of course, there is the fate dress, the "understudy incident", the horrible choices leading to great discoveries examples of fate... but this week has been extremely interesting. Very, very interesting. I'm glad.