I will always have your back, and be curious about you

My friends don't realize how much I love them, and how much I'm there for them. A few weeks ago, AR told me I was untrustworthy. I don't know when that happened, when I became "untrustworthy", but I don't think she realized how upset I was. I consider myself very trustworthy, when something is important, I know not to blab. But there has been a lot of gossip going on. Maybe that's what she was thinking. There's a difference between gossip and something important. I guess she doesn't see it that way. That's not what I want my friends to think about me! Because I care about people, I am compassionate, I can be an excellent listener, and I usually have realistic advice. I haven't had a good talk with anyone for a long time.

I have realized that LU and I will not be having any more good talks. She seems to resent me right now, and I'm not really sure why. I'm busy... I've changed since last year, a lot, and I am happier now. Does she resent that? I miss us just goofing off, and hanging out, that's what we always did best. Making brownies, jumping on the trampoline, watching game shows. Maybe I've changed too much for her, but I still think that we had a TON of fun. I miss it. But I don't want to change back to super-shy quiet M, who missed out on so many people, events, and feelings. But I don't want to lose LU. ARGH!!! That seems to be the word of the day. ARGH.

I am having a much better time at school, now that I have my co-op "spare". I have given myself my lunch as a break. For one hour, I will do no work. Because I work hard at school this year! There is always something really important to do, I have to pick priorities, and I have to recover the other subjects right after. So I spend an hour in the drama room, either just relaxing or dancing for Footloose. Today TT and I had some guys do the girls parts, and it was quite amusing when we got to the part where the girls grab the guys collars... I like fun. I like people, and music, and thinking, and not doing school work. It makes me happy. I like to be happy. I want to be happy.

Argh. Life is so complicated. And now I sound like Avril Lavigne. Great...