Well... well. Welcome 2003. I guess.

So, I have my first hangover. Yuck. YUCK. Never again, at least not for a very, very long time. Went to a lovely family style party at EV's, it was fun, but I didn't know everyone, and the actual 12 o'clock ringing in of the New Year was pretty anticlimatic. That's alright, because everyone was going to AW's house after, and I was going to know everyone there. A few of us got there before AW, and drinks were out. I wasn't worried, of course people were going to drink. It was expected. I had a cooler. No big deal. We were laughing, nothing to worry about. Until people downstairs started having shots. And people upstairs. And believe it or not, stupid stupid me was kind of one of them. (I wasn't stupid enough to have a competition, just stupid enough to not think that a few small bits of hard liquor would harm me...). I am so naive. I don't drink. I never drink. I'm the one who tells others not to. Because I know for a fact that we can have just as much, if not more fun, without alcohol. We are all creative, fun individuals, who make up wacky games. I kind of thought most of those people were above drinking to get drunk. Nope.

CM was gone pretty fast. He vomited on my feet. I had to sit with him and pull his head out of the garbage can. He had vomit in his hair. I love him a lot, but a lot of respect was lost this morning. I know he regrets it, but he's treating it like a joke. It's not a joke, I wish he could have seen himself last night while AW's mom held a bucket for him. He looked stupid. CS was hugging a toilet most of the night too, poor dear. Tell me again why drinking is fun? AW sobered up pretty quickly (as did I, when I had to worry about almost every single person there. I think I am a pretty boring drunk. But someone had to make sure things were safe).

I am not impressed with a few people. Nothing last night shocked me. It wasn't a real surprise. I just get... disappointed in people. AR, the queen of anti-PDA was making out with RB non-stop right in front of everyone. She wanted to "talk it over" the next day to make sure things were still good between us. Our relationship hasn't changed, just my perception of someone I admire. S and J... well, whatever. I just don't get how that ends up being considered fun! We have one guy puking all over the chair, the floor, my feet... We have CS in the bathroom all night. There's R who can't decide to laugh or cry, and can't stand up straight. TE, who would not shut up, and who wanted to help but just got in the way and on nerves. AW had a lot to deal with, and to be a host at that party, eek. SD had to chaperone his girlfriend. MV had to be a nurse, so did JS and KS, and JL and I. That was not fun. MW had to keep people sane. There was just too much going on. And to think that people are going to look back at that, laugh, and do it all again? My stomach is very upset with me. I'm not impressed with several people. I'm having mixed emotions about several things. I feel... very alone. I'm not sure why. I miss... something.

It wasn't a bad time. It was just different, and not as good as many others. Which is too bad. I learned a TON. I'm just super conflicted. And no one really cares about how I'm feeling. But they haven't for awhile. Happy New Year, everyone. I hope that you don't feel like me, and are looking forward to a new year. I'm dreading what comes up next.