Here we go again...

Sigh. Just when you think the soap opera has ended, turns out we were on a little word from our sponsor. I am unhappy with a lot of my friendships right now. I know relationships take work. But I don't believe that they need as much work as I am having to give them. I talked to poor AR on the phone last night for a good half hour about nothing. I'm just so unhappy with people that I started to cry and I'm tired of being a frigging tap. I just cry. I didn't used to. And I consider myself a stronger person now than I was. I just can't please anyone right now. LU is mad at me, I am having inner issues about BB (backstabbing b****), AW and I haven't talked for... two months, my mom is upset with me, I can't focus on school anymore, I can't stop crying, even when I'm happy issues weigh me down. I am not a happy camper.

I am lonely. I used to have my friends to talk to about anything. Now everyone is too busy with everything and no one has time for their old friendship with me. I know, I know, I'm super-busy too, they might even be able to say the same thing about me. But things still aren't working, and I'm still phenomenally sad even if I have people like TT who end up being better friends than the ones I have been close to for years. I miss things the way they were. But I don't know if anything going on right now is worth it. Are my old friends really worth it? I believe some are, for sure. But I'm tired of having to watch whatever I say, because it gets twisted around and told to someone else in a way I didn't even intend. I'm tired of hearing about the things that go on behind my back. Gossip is fine, but nothing is going on in my life that warrants as gossip. It's just hurtful, what gets said, and I NEVER EVEN SEE THE PEOPLE WHO DO THE TALKING. How do they get these stupid things in their heads for the purpose of hurting me? What kind of friends do that? Argh.

On a higher note, I had a great trip today to TO to see Mamma Mia. It was exactly what I expected, a very fun show (crappy dancing though, what's up with that?). I got some more Christmas shopping done, I talked to TT, we put stuff in CM's hair on the bus, made up games. CM and I went onto some bus at a pit stop to see what movie they were watching. It was a good outing, a good day off of school, and I can't wait for Christmas holidays. Just the thought makes my heart SO happy. I need a break so badly. A good day, with bad things going on in the background. I sent LU an email asking her what's up. So, it should be an interesting day tommorrow.