Big ball of anger that won't go away

I'M MAD! Sometimes I swear I must be manic-depressive, I'm up and down so fast. Since the New Year's party, which I can look back on and say: I'm glad I wasn't as drunk as them, I found that disappointment has been building in me for a long time. People are changing, I know that, I've known that, but maybe I've just been to busy to really sit down and think about it. I lost respect for a lot of people I had SO much respect for. I can't just say "they were drunk, it's okay", or "they won't do it again". I don't know if they will or not, and I don't care, because they did it once and I wasn't all that surprised.

I realized that I never need or ask for acknowledgement of friendship. I do things for people if I can. I like to do things for my friends. When everyone was in a stupid fight, I depended a lot on one person, who I have been friends with for awhile, because I knew I could trust him. We did a lot of things together. I was very grateful to have someone left who was a friend. But I don't know if he is really. I seem to have ended up his relationship consultant, his chauffeur, someone to pull his head out of a puke bucket. He puked on me. This is not a friendship anymore. I lost respect for a person I had a ton of it for. That doesn't really matter, right? It happens all the time. What does get me is that he doesn't care. He doesn't even notice. Friendships don't have to be 50/50, but I need to feel some effort or caring coming from the other side.

There are other cases too, but I don't want to write them down, because I'm pretty sure they will either mend with time, or might not be worth it. I hate the unstableness my friendships have taken on. I hate that my year has started with me doubting again. I am so super-duper confused. Angry at myself, at them, at life, at everything. But I'll just put my smile on. Because no one cares.