Good talks, smoky bars, great music, interesting people...

So Meghan had a great day yesterday! I love just going out in the car with my own schedule, with no obligations. I had to go to church in the morning (*sigh* organized religion, don't get me started...), but after that I was free! And I can eat solid foods, watch out world!
I went down to the mall (I love to shop by myself sometimes), but didn't buy anything, which left me with a very happy wallet. I went to head down to Trenton to hear Beyond Control (CM, JS, G, RL's band) at Rumour's, and saw a purple Grand Am turn into Geen's, so I got to say hi to AW and M and then MV. Who else has a purple Grand Am?

I called CC and arranged to meet her after Rumour's. I got down to Trenton, and saw the end of a little set, it was an open stage afternoon. They are so talented it drives me crazy. I am their first groupie! I saw them play, then drove to Tim Horton's (which happened to be across the street), and saw CC for an hour. I adore her so much, what a good person to know! She listens to me, even though I'm just a stupid teenager. She talks to me too, which makes me feel respected. She gives good advice, and she's ALWAYS believed in me. Sometimes it really feels like no one does, but she does. She is probably my greatest mentor. She has talked to me about theatre, my life, my parents, my friends, relationships, talent, and that's just talking about me. I don't think I would have done so much at BTG if it weren't for her. I don't think I would have had the guts to tell my mom a lot of things if it weren't for her. I definitely would still be letting people use me. I'm not a pushover anymore! I'm still too shy (some people would definitely argue that), but I am getting better.

I'm still not myself though. I haven't finished developing my character, and that leaves me vulnerable. Vulnerable to be ripped open and stepped on. I'm paranoid about losing my friends (just ask poor AR) and being excluded. I'm terrified of not being liked, because everyone always says "be yourself then you'll be truly happy/have the best friends/have the time of your life". I'm becoming myself, and what if I don't have the best friends or the time of my life? What if I finally get to be Meghan, and it sucks? I think that is what stops me from being me. As much as I hate sounding this and sounding all insecure-teenagerish, I would hate to be left out! I would hate to be disliked for being myself, I wouldn't get any satisfaction that I was finally me if people weren't drawn to me in one way or another. Argh.

After coffee (well, tea...) with CC, I went back over to Rumour's. There was a lot of... well I don't know if it even deserves to be called country...playing. I sat with the band (I think I was the only girl under 50 in the room except for CM and JS's moms). There was some quite amusing dancing, it was a fabulous place to people-watch. All these old people were trying to be so cool! Ew! Beyond Control finally got to play (after CM did some great country-drums, he got himself an offer...), and they did a great set. SD got there just in time, and then I had someone to sit with. They're so damn good! CM's mom made SD and I dance to Under the Bridge by the Red Hot Chili Peppers, not a great dancing song... It was fun though, I'm glad I went. I felt bad that their other friends didn't come, because they've been asked to come back, for $$! I'm excited for them. I left after they were done (after being hit on by an old man, am I a magnet or something, ick!! "Why is a pretty young girl like you going home by herself?" "Because I'm 16", you creep! That's even worse then those men at work!). I had a good day. I picked where I went, what I wanted to do, and it was great, and calming, and relaxing. I need to trust myself, I can have my own fun too.

Things are good right now, all howevers aside.