One Day I'll Fly Away

I spend all my spare time at parks. With my crazy wonderful friends. And having tie dye parties, hair dying parites, surprise Wednesday birthday parties... and we always end up at a park. There has been frog catching, Olympics, musicals, shoe-kicking competitions, Northern Lights, look at the stars, "are you baked?", the list goes on, and I don't even remember everything. I love it. I love that I have friends that don't need to get drunk, or high, and who can just go outside and play, and appreciate each other, and be happy and have fun. I love that everyone and anyone is invited, and you can do your own thing, and never worry about being shunned, or disliked.

However (it always comes down to a however, doesn't it?) there is one thing which is beginning to worry me. The amount of "hooking-up" going on. Not to say I'm not happy for the people, AW and M are a wonderful pair, I can tell how much they like each other, and trust each other, and enjoy each other's company. Now AR and R are hooking up. I'm also happy for AR, finding a guy who isn't an idiot (ie MC), and who will treat her well, and who I like too. These are two of my greatest friends though, and if they both have a guy to be attached to... that adds something else, and we're all too busy to see each other already. For me, there is no question that friends would come first (me of so much experience and everything...), and I know they both think that too... but I'm sure it's easy to forget. Sometimes I already feel forgotten. And I still haven't found a guy, not counting J, who I would ever consider, or want as more than a friend (of course I've had crushes, all the time, but I know not to take them seriously, and to keep them secret). I know that there is probably someone right in front of me, but who, and how do I find out?? And I hate myself for wondering this, because I truly, 100% believe that high school relationships are usually a waste of time, and are also quite meaningless. I used to feel above needing relationships, I don't like the idea of being tied to one person for an undetermined amount of time, until you or they get tired. I just need my friends. But I'm not all that sure right now... There's no one to talk to about this, because they are all too busy.

I had a big thing for a guy this year, and of course I kept it to myself, and for awhile I regretted it. But not anymore, I kept myself safe from a lot of pain. I don't really think I'm very likable, anyways, I'm awkward, and quiet, but when I'm loud I'm obnoxious.

One day I'll fly away, leave all this to yesterday. Until then, I'll keep waiting for my Ewan McGregor to come.