I cried today, for the first time since the summer festival (ugh). I'm just feeling so frustrated, and angry, and stressed, and lonely, and excluded. I miss my friends, but I don't think they've even noticed that I'm not around. I've fought with my mom, who I never fight with, twice in the last two days. I'm getting to be boring and tired, and grumpy, because I'm back at school. I feel like such a loser, and a loner, and I just want to go back to summer.

I think school is bad for me, it's not my kind of environment. I know life can't be stress free, but if I had my choice I wouldn't have to sit in classes taught by teachers who don't want to teach, and who can't intrigue me. Because I like to learn, I like knowledge. But it's worthless for me to sit in a class where I don't get anything out of it except homework that I won't learn anything from. My life is getting dull. I'm busy, for sure. But tap is my only fun planned thing.

I'm not having any fun. I hate getting up in the morning, and not doing anything I really want to do all day. I hate hurting my mom by pushing her away because I don't care about school anymore, but I really do. I hate not having time to sit alone and think, or to sit with my friends and just talk about nothing. I hate being forgotten. I hate that everyone seems happier than me. I hate that my own friends don't even notice that I'm ready to drive my car off a ledge. But I guess they know I wouldn't. Because I don't do daring things like that. I just stay safe, which is fine with me, really.

My friends don't seem to call me just to talk anymore. I would be SO happy if someone would just call me, and talk, even if it was just for 10 minutes. I don't care what about. Anyone, not just one of my closest friends. I'm too scared to call someone that I'm not super-great close friends with. I don't know if they'd find me needy or not.

But now my mom is mad at me, and I know I'm not going to do my homework, so I'd best go to bed, because I'll have a lot more to do tommorrow. Sometimes life really sucks.