July

It's funny how some people can find me intimidating, yet I hate myself so much sometimes and feel socially awkward all the time. I've heard people call me confident, and that makes me laugh, because inside I'm constantly regretting words I use or decisions I make. I'm not charismatic or vibrant or funny, and I don't stand out, all things I want. I mean, I'm not a total reject, I know that I've got some good qualities. I'm not throwing myself a pity party (well, of course I am, this is an effing blog).

I'm not stupid, and I'm reasonably nice when I want to be. I am quite independant and very ambitious and dedicated. I'm a pretty good listener and I really truly love the people that are close to me.

So why do I always feel like a social reject and unlovable and hideous? I have incredible friends. Boourns.

-----

Camp is going relatively well. I got some really beautiful feedback from a parent that keeps me going when mostly I want all of the campers to wear duct tape for an hour a day.

The play will work. I'm proud of myself, now, because it is actually happening. I might lose money. I don't care. I did it... well, not really, but I'm getting there.

-----

This summer has been so ridiculously strange.