1-8 items only... in his jacket

I feel like I'm living some kind of double life. I enjoy University, I like some of the stuff I learn, I like the independance. I like my city, I like cosmopolite. I like realizing that my friendships are more than just convenience friendships.

This is kind of where the double life comes in. I keep thinking of my old friendships as more valid and more important as my new ones. Because I know these people really well and adore them. And they know me almost inside out. They don't need alcohol in them to be absolutely insane and love fun and laughing no matter what anyone thinks. Here, I wouldn't even consider holding hands with someone and skipping through the mall. And this weekend when we did that at home, we made some peoples' days. Because we were loving life, who cares if we look like idiots.

I'm trying to teach myself how to be alone. How to have fun when people aren't there. Because I've been living my life from one event with people to the next. I forget that I'm still LIVING when I'm by myself, and those minutes count too. And just waiting around and thinking of the next time I'll see my old friends or go out with my new friends is not very useful.

Also, wishing I was back at home, and thinking that those people are my REAL friends, and these people are my temporary friends, four years until I get to see my old ones more often, is bad and stupid.

I want to live in the now. It's just hard, because the then was so often. But I know that I have to live a full life. I can have a life where I keep in touch with all the people in my life, live in the now, and not wish I was in the past. I know I can, I just don't know how. And I'm not going to make friends here to the calibre I did at home if I just wish I was with my old friends. I need to love everyone. From everywhere. I need to re-find myself, somehow I got a little bit lost in the move.

I need to find people here to love. I need to just LOVE. That's how I find happiness.