Worthless

So, you know when everything seems worthless? You wonder why you do what you do, what you accomplish, is it important? That's where I am at right now. Nothing's important anymore. Not a single thing.

People get all worked up over school, over fights, over hurt feelings. Why? It becomes a competition, who has the busiest life, the most social activities, the most homework, the most commitments, the most... who fucking cares? Who cares when the world is falling apart all around us. Sure, I know it's fun to hang out, to sit around, to laugh, to chat. That can't be my whole life. Problem is, I don't know where to find more.

So, my something bad that happened is basically destroying my life, slowly, as I think about it more and more. As I think about how insignificant one person's life is. I know I'm a complaining bitch bore, but suddenly my life has absolutely no meaning, the stuff I do has no meaning. This week I've been trying to go go go to take my mind off this, and if I stop, even for a second, all I can see... is a picture I don't need in my head.

Everyone's like "oh, you can talk to me" or "you gonna live?" Yeah. I'm going to live. Don't make light of something you know nothing about. I know you mean well, I'm sorry. I'm just in a very bad place right now, and feeling very little support. Maybe because I am pretending nothing happened. Maybe people didn't notice. But ouch, there's a kick in the pants. Meghan feels like shit. Let's go play.

I'm sorry. This is how I've been feeling. I don't care about things that used to mean a lot to me. That's a bad feeling. Pretending I'm okay when I'm really not is hurting too, I'm very strained. But if I stop, all I see.

So, I've rambled enough.