Alive

On Saturday I was in a serious car accident. My car is a write-off, and I am okay. I have whiplash, and a sore back, but I walked out of that accident without a scratch.

I shouldn't have though. I'm trying to explain this to people, but they don't understand. I shouldn't be alive right now, or at least, not alive and fine. My car spun off a major highway and knocked over two massive signs. The back of the car hit these signs. The back of the car is totalled. What are the odds of me managing to knock over three giant wooden poles with the back of the car? One of the poles fell on my hood, directly in front of my windshield. The passenger side is bent in. If I had had passengers, they would not be okay.

I am so so so lucky right now. If the timing and angle and speed had been different, I would not be wasting my time typing this. People don't comprehend when I explain to them. I shouldn't be alive! But I am fine. What does it all mean? haha.

I prayed when I finally got home. I haven't prayed since I was 14 years old. If the timing had been ANY different... I would either have hit the signs with my side or the front of the car. I would have had the pole fall on my windshield or above my head. I would have rolled.

I don't really remember much, just being terrified, being jerked around, I remember hitting the first sign and hearing the breaking glass. I couldn't remember my address to give the paramedics. I couldn't figure out where my cell phone had gone. Why hadn't the broken windshield gone into the car? WHY AM I OKAY???

I am so lucky. I can't explain how lucky I am. And I want people to know too. But they see me as fine, I was actually feeling pretty good to see them on Saturday night. They didn't see the accident. No one did,really. They didn't feel all that smashing. They didn't see the car all broken. I CAN'T EXPLAIN HOW LUCKY I AM! I want them to know it was serious. I want them to know that I shouldn't be here right now. I want them to know how easy it is for that to happen, I hit some ice and that was it.

I know I've been playing the what-if game too much about this. But every what-if ends up with me dying or in the hospital, except for the "what-if I hadn't hit that ice" or "what if those signs hadn't been there". Lord.