Confused, but okay with that.

Well, another play is finished, and another temporary community in my life is kaput. I hated a lot of this experience, but am very glad I did it, as I met a lot of great people and learned a ton. The thing I will miss the most is dancing before the show to the hand drums and the shakey things and just loving everyone and having a space where I am free to not talk and be me.

It took over everything, though, and I felt that I was constantly sacrificing something, either school, or friends, or keeping in touch with my family. I don't like that feeling.

My best friend here and I have been together pretty constantly (she was the ASM), and I'm so so so thankful that she shared this experience with me, and that I've had her to chat with about all the shit we took. She also helped me a lot, particularly over dinner on Saturday, to figure out what I think about certain things and offer her (particularly biased) ideas and advice.

Then, last night, her boyfriend who I adore almost as much as her, made me completely change all the decisions I had made after the dinner the previous day. And then she agreed with him. I like that guys will usually be completely honest with you even if it's not the nicest thing.

Anyway, life is good. I'm pretty happy. Tamara leaves tomorrow, which will be a big change, but our friendship survived living together (I'm told that a lot don't) and I had a great time. I took a walk in the gorgeous snow with Dave Matthews on the discman and realized that I do have a life here now, which I couldn't say at this time last year. I have people who I love and I have places to go. I am independant. I won't live here forever, but it finally feels like a home.

Now... what to do when I grow up.

And I'm spent.